Every Life Matters

By Siosifa Pole in All Sorts

a Tonga perspective on the tragedy of youth suicide

EVERY LIFE MATTERS
World Suicide Prevention Day St. Paul's Cathedral, Dunedin. 10th September 2014
(This is part of my speech on this important occasion)
Tena koutou tena koutou, tena tatou katoa, Ta Lofa Lava, Ni Sabula Vinaka, Fakalofa lahi atu, Alohani, Malo e lelei, and warm Pacific greetings to all of you who are here tonight. I am glad to be invited to share my thought on this critical and yet important issue that has a devastating effect on our society. Suicide is becoming an epidemic that is unpredictable and unexpected. We are always surprised to hear that someone, maybe a close friend or a member of the family has committed suicide. Many questions start to arise for those who were close to this person, "How did it happen? Why didn't we see any sign? Why didn't we able to stop? What was the cause? Who should have noticed the signs? These are questions that those who live ask as they continue to grieve for the death of a loved one or close friend who committed suicide.
During our first year in Dunedin, 2011, I experienced the destructive impact of suicide when one of my younger son's closest friends killed himself. It was a shock to my son, his family, his friends' families, to the school community, and also the wider community. This is something that this young person wasn't aware of when he decided to take his life. He never thought of the psychological and emotional damage that he would leave behind with his friends and his own family. Everyone who came in contact with him was affected in one way or the other because of his decision to take his own life. Almost at the same time, a few young Tongans committed suicide in various parts of Auckland. One of the suicides was committed inside one of the churches, which was a horrible situation. No one noticed any sign that these young people would take their own lives. Every life matters and we need to support it.

It is obvious that there are various causes of suicide and I am grateful to be here today to show my solidarity and support for the works that the Health sector and other agencies do to prevent people from committing suicide. Suicide happens across ages, cultures, religions, communities, and also professionals. Therefore, we need a co- operative effort to combat this epidemic in order to prevent or minimise it. I am glad that the Pacific communities are joining force with other agencies to raise awareness and to help those who attempt suicide to seek help from the professionals. One of the initiatives that the Pacific communities have started to deal with suicide is the formation of the national Pacific prevention programme, called FLO: Pasifika for Life. This programme is part of the Ministry of Health's suicide prevention Action plan for 2013-16. Le Va is the national body that drives this initiative among the Pacific communities. Dr Monique Faleafa, the CEO of the Le Va says, "One of our recent actions was to create a booklet that talks about the top five tactics for helping to prevent Pasifika suicide." She continues to say, "Connecting with others is a tactic that Pasifika research shows works as a protective factor - vital for wellbeing, a sense of purpose and relationships with healthy flow. Connecting in a meaningful way with people near you today lets them know you care and that help is there when they need it."
The word 'suicide' in Tongan is 'taonakita'. 'Taonakita' is a combination of three words, of 'tao', 'na', and kita. "Tao" means 'spear', 'na' is an adjective', and 'kita' means 'me or I'. Therefore, 'taonakita' can literary mean, 'I was killed by my own spear' or 'I take my own life'. Taonakita is a taboo issue in the Tongan community and people are rarely talking about it because of the 'fakamā' (Maori 'whakama') or shame that could impose on their families. Some Tongans saw tanokita as a 'curse' or some kind of evil spirit that possess someone internally to hurt or take his/ her own life. Internal hurt relates closely to the Tongan notion of 'kafo e loto' (wounded heart). Obviously, a physical wound or an outward wound can be seen and able to treat but a wounded heart is unseen and even hard to find the appropriate treatment. Those who are under this kind of circumstance feel powerless and hopeless. The easiest way for them to get rid of pain and hurt is to end their lives. However, in order to break the taboo and to overcome the sense of 'fakamā' we need to build trust and respect. From a Tongan view point, we can build trust and respect when the connection is strong through communal relationship and kainga/fanau (whanau) bond. People can talk freely when they are trusted and respected. I believe that this is what we need to encourage in our community. Our children need to be trusted by our willing to listen to their voices.
Every life matters and it is God's will and purpose to create and nurture life and to allow a life to grow to it fullness. The scriptures speak highly about God as the Creator of life. Psalm 139 emphasises this nature of God when it mention in verse 13, "For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb..." I believe it is God's will to nurture and nourish every life for every life matters.
I am both a Methodist minister and also a Tongan, which means I represent two communities in our talanoa this evening. 'Talanoa' is the Tongan for 'open conversation or talking'. In talking we are able to pass on to others what our feelings and worries are and also at the same time able to listen to the voices and stories of others. Every story and voice is unique and worth listening to. May our voices join together tonight. Let us all be prepared to help our city and our communities. Tonight we are hearing many stories of the devastating effect of suicide and through those stories we can encourage others to feel trusted and respected to tell their own stories too. Every life matters, and I believe we should join our voices and make every effort to prevent suicides from happening. Thank you for the opportunity to be part of the talanoa tonight. Malo 'aupito, leveleva e malanga kau tatau atu.
Siosifa Pole